Welcome 2010!

Here we are beginning another year.  I think everyone has a sense of changed perspective at the turn of a year, nevermind the fact that nothing has really changed.  It's just the next day after the last.  I think we all just feel like we have a fresh start, and who doesn't like that?

I know I am happy to drop kick 2009's ass into the past and tell it to never show it's dirty face 'round here no mo'.  It was by far the worst year of my life thus far.  I am hopeful that 2010 will be a year filled with happiness, but I am reasonable in my expectations.  I am not a "Resolutioner".  I don't think changing calendars is a magical ritual that allows one to create a perfect future.  If I want to make changes, I can do try at any point in the year.  Setting goals to begin right at the New Year is setting oneself up for failure, if you ask me.  Here you are with a full head of steam, ready to go balls out on something, only to lose your mojo because you went too hard and fast at it.  The New Year inspires too much enthusiasm at goal setting and changing.  Go to any gym and take a look after January 1.

Speaking of gyms...I have spent a fair amount of time in the gym during my adult life.  I have always hated the period between January 1 and March 1.  It is a damned zoo.  I'm all for people trying to get healthy and better themselves.  I just wish they didn't all do it at once.  The Resolutioners descend en masse, taking all the parking spaces, hogging the machines and generally getting in the way for two months.  Then they slowly give up on themselves.  It's hard not to get grumbly and think "Why are you bothering in the first place?  You aren't going to be at this for long--now get out of my way."  Terrible thinking, but terribly human.

Now, here is my dilemma.  I have not been to the gym in a long while.  I have been fighting a stubborn depression.  I just went through a bad couple of days and my psychiatrist is thinking of changing one of my antidepressants to one of two others which I am not willing to take.  I realized that I have not been doing my part to improve my moods by working out, setting up a complete structure--a regular routine--for myself.  I could be eating healthier and regularly (I skip meals a lot).  My medication can only do so much.  Without doing my part, I'm only going to get half way there.  All this just happens to coincide with the New Year.  Greeeaaat.  I'm going to look like a Resolutioner, and I'm going to have to deal with them from the get-go.  My only hope is that I will be going mid-morning when most people should be at work.  Unless all the stay-at-home moms have decided to do something about their big butts, (which I suddenly realize is probably a very big demographic for Resolution Movement) I might do ok.  Regularly, there is almost no traffic during the mid-day when I have time to go.  The scary part is the YMCA, where I work out, has free child care so that won't be an excuse to keep those broads home.  Now I'm really scared.  Hopefully they are too self-conscious to go without their husbands.  I sound so petty and condescending.  I don't mean to be.  I just have my social anxiety and want to be alone.  Shoot me.  I'm bipolar.  I'm actually afraid if too many people are present, I will fail at doing what I need to do and I'm selfish.  The only other option I can think of is walking around the track at the park we have down the street from our house.  At least I have options.  I'd just have to tough it out at the gym when it rains.

Well, the one thing I can really look forward to is buying new work out clothes.  All my stuff is pretty ratty.  I sure do like to shop.  That part is complimentary of my bipolar, too.  The downside is that I will really look like a Resolutioner to the cashier.  Oh well.