Stigma Schmiga

There is, without a doubt, a stigma associated with any form of mental illness. I suppose I can be easily accused of perpetuating the stigma with the ease which I use the terms, crazy, fruitcake, nutjob, and all the other euphemisms I use to describe myself and other beepers. I've pondered this on occasion. Actually, I've given it deep thought.

I don't think so, and my logic follows. I think by standing and railing against the use such words, demanding people describe me only using benign, politically correct words, stamping my feet and having the equivalent of a hissy fit over it, would only underscore my bipolarity. It would give others a reason to chuckle under their breath, and to think 'Geez, lighten up', or to tell me to 'Go take a pill, PolarBabe.' Referring to myself as a nutjob takes the wind out of their sails for one...they can never use it in a derogatory fashion against me. I actually had one guy get mad at me once and yell at me: You are a crazy bitch!!! and I yelled right back: I TOLD YOU THAT! IT'S NOT A SECRET! You know what happened? He crumbled into laughter. Let me tell you, he had been furious before that, we're not talking a momentary flare of anger--he was straight furious.

No, I have not been out with my illness to everyone. I did keep it to myself at the office where I used to work. The people with whom I shared something akin to friendship know and have been mostly supportive. (There is one who refuses to believe I am Bipolar and thinks that if only we pray hard enough we will find out that what hormones we need to be put in balance...God bless her, she means well.) However, I never made it public knowledge. Office politics being what they are, it wouldn't be considered professional to share such personal information with everyone. I was in a management position which would have made it even more inappropriate. Additionally, as I admitted before, there is that stigma. I don't think it's wise to 'come out' in a large office environment unless you are hearty enough to withstand the prejudice that will follow. Put the fact that people will call you my favorite words out of your mind. That's small potatoes. The greater danger is that you will essentially rob yourself of the right to have any negative emotions. If Bob says something callous to you like 'Susan, that's the stupidest idea I have ever heard' and you get mad or upset, you really won't be able to say anything about it unless someone else heard it and you're discussing it with them. Why? If you do, they will most likely say one of the following:

a) Don't you think you're overreacting?
b) I'm sure he didn't say it quite like that
c) You're so sensitive!
d) Is this that Bipolar thingy you told me about talking?

This one is every beepers favorite one because we hear it at least once, from even the best intentioned loved ones in our lives:
E) DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDICINE TODAY???

See, people don't want any part of what they don't understand. They don't understand crazy, and they don't want to get it--figuratively and literally. They're scared. People are taught to dismiss the mentally ill from an early age. "Mommy, why is that man walking down the street waving his arms and screaming like that?" "He's crazy, Tommy. You don't have to worry about him. Just keep looking forward and keep walking. We'll just pass right by him." That's what we've all been taught, and that's what we will keep doing to the mentally ill through the rest of our days. (Unless you have cause and desire to be educated, but that's another story). People will keep their heads down and walk right by YOU if they know you have a mental illness and they won't try to learn about it. At work, you are there to work, not hold an educational seminar on Bipolar Disorder. So, in the interest of self-preservation it's best to keep you mouth shut in the face of ignorance. I think activism is very important but your workplace just isn't the place for it. Not if you want to keep your job AND be happy there anyway.

Now back to my beloved words. If I claim crazy, nutjob, et. al., then those ignorant d-nozzles can't use them. At least not effectively. They can try, but I'll just jump in the dirt with them and throw some better ones at them and win. I've had more practice. They have NO idea the kind of gymnastics this mind can do.

PolarBabe