Feeling Better, But Still Avoiding Public Places

I'm finally noticing some significant improvement in my depression after being on the Zoloft at the higher dosage. I've had several successive days of feeling good, but the idea of being in public places or talking on the phone fills me with dread. I can't quite explain this or see the logic in it. Maybe it will come in time, or maybe I still need a higher dose. I fear another increase because of the possibility of spiking into a mania (afraid of hallucinating again). If I could be assured of having a "typical" mania, I'd secretly be hoping, but now...well it's a whole new barbecue. (Emphasis on the smoke and flames imagery). Anyway, the idea of increasing the dose appeals to my laziness, as I'm tired of splitting pills. Filling up my pillboxes requires enough effort as it is.

I have a great therapist. He's Bipolar, too. He has been episode free for 25 years, but there is no sense that his memories have faded. We spent a good deal of time discussing my anxiety over interacting with people last night. He asked if I've always had an aversion to social situations. I'm generally outgoing, except for my low tolerance for stupid and/or ignorant people. For example, trips to Costco inspire homicidal ideation under any situation, mood disorder or not. Especially on sample days. It's not brunch, people!!!!! Sorry. Apparently, just the thought of it works me up. Back to the subject at hand...

Going to fill my prescriptions is a trip I dread. I am fully compliant with taking my meds. I accept this. It still doesn't motivate me to go get them. I need to go see my psychiatrist regularly. I like her. I am compliant. I hate going. What's up with that? Aside from going to see my psych, it's not like I have to have a conversation with anyone. Sheesh. You have no idea how relieved I was when my son got out of school for summer break. Now that there's only a month (a whole month) left, I'm filled with dread at taking him (and now my daughter too) to and from school every day. Oh, and let's not forget back to school shopping. Once. Sigh. One weird thing, I don't mind going to therapy. That requires in depth conversation. Go figure.

Whatever the case, I hope it resolves soon. I hate depending on Mr. PolarBabe for everything. He does everything but breathe and sleep for me. He practically eats for me. I don't do much of that, other than a protein bar in the afternoon and whatever he puts in front of me in the evening. Not the best way to lose weight, and my meds aren't even the kind that put weight on. (Thank God).

Anyone else have any experience with this and ways to overcome?