Martha Stewart Can Kiss My Ass

I hate that bitch and everyone like her. Mostly, I'm just jealous. Not because of her money or the fact that she has a TV show, a magazine, and all the various other things that made her a celebrity or sorts. (I bet her house arrest ankle bracelet thingy was cool looking, though). What I hate is that she can do everything. Moreover, she likes doing it. I have none of this.

I am not "crafty". At least not in a scrapbooking, potpourri sachet-making, hatbox decorating, birdhouse building, sort of way. (Do they make birdhouses at the funny farm anymore? If so, I might someday develop a talent for that. I do like birds, anyhow.) I am secretly envious of anybody who actually likes doing this kind of stuff. They don't even have to be good at it. It's just nice to have a hobby to enjoy.

I do not crochet. I do not knit. I do not latch hook rugs, I do not make lanyards, hand-tool leather belts, do ceramics, stained glass windows, sculpt or oil paint. I do like redecorating rooms, but I have to be manic and have a whole week to kill myself doing it and be willing to leave part of it undone for a couple years. My one hobby was salsa dancing, which I adore. It's very, very fun. Problem now is that I can't stand being in public places, crowds especially. I don't think I'm going to find a salsa place that will close down for me. My meds prevent me from eating or drinking enough to make that a lucrative option for any club proprietor.

What do other people "do"? I don't watch much TV. I read when I can. Mostly, I just interact with the kids. This is not a bad thing, of course. I just feel like I should be doing something, too.

Man, I am just one lost puppy. I need me a map, some directions and maybe a compass. Screw that, I want a GPS. I like things to be easy. Maybe that's the problem...